i thought i knew... but i had no idea...

what in the damn hell was i thinkin'

2010-12-12T22:32:00.007-05:00

i got the "bright" idea to maybe change my master program to electrical engineering... that was until i read the prereqs for an introductory course as "A working knowledge of Fourier transforms, linear systems, and probability theory. " after throwing up in my mouth a little bit, i gathered my scattered and disheveled sense(s) and smashed that light bulb into about a bazillion pieces.

so clearly...

2010-07-22T23:23:00.002-04:00

...it's been a minute since i've posted anything. so sue me! i've been a little busy learning how to tweet, navigating this facebook thing, and the like. but, i make a pledge, here and now, to at least make an effort to get back into the swing of blogging. 'cause lord knows the crazy thoughts and musings haven't stopped popping in my head.

that is all.

for the geeks...

2009-04-20T11:23:00.001-04:00

this is totally cool. shoulda saved this for a weekly (assignment) post. but, alas... i already wrote mine for the week. pfft

http://www.readwriteweb.com/archives/aneesh_chopra_americas_chief_technology_officer.php

designing my site

2009-03-30T15:43:00.005-04:00

so, i'm building a website using iweb. it's kinda fun given i don't have to code a single piece of html if i don't want to. (the geek in me most likely will end up coding... but the thrill is in not HAVING to... psh). anyways, iweb makes it very easy for you to pull together a website and incorporate plenty of dynamic elements to give your site that 2.0 feel.

i mentioned in a previous post that i will be incorporating google maps into my site. i'm on the fence of whether or not i will add a blog solely dedicated to the site or not. there will definitely be a photo album with slide show capabilities. and, of course, a live count down. if i so choose, i can throw you tube clips on the site as well. but, i'm not so sure i want to incorporate videos just yet. maybe we can make a little movie about us instead of writing it out. that might work! (and i just came up with it as i write this post... brilliant!)

all of these elements are so easily integrated through the use of widgetry (my very own coined phrase... don't hate). each element is basically a "drag-n-drop" element packaged with all of the functionality inside. so, if i want to plop a google map on your web page, you drag the map widget onto your workspace. the widget attributes can be edited with your specific information. so, if i want the map to highlight a location, i simply type in the address and the widget displays the point of interest on the map.

now, i'm on a hunt for other widgets that i can drop into my pages. i'm wondering what rss feeds might be of interest to include on the page. maybe i can find a feed of events and entertainment for out of town guests to get the skinny on happenings. does anyone else no where i can grab some widgets of interest?

seriously??

2009-03-21T18:22:00.010-04:00

i mean... for real... 2.0 in my tour of a hotel???

so, as we plan our wedding, we are touring venues, chatting about menus and talking linens. then, the sales woman says, "oh, and included in your package is a free website! we also host an online community of brides sharing experiences and planning tips." is there an industry that isn't subscribing to 2.0 fever? if there is, they need to get a clue! i just didn't expect to have to hear any 2.0 lingo on a non-monday evening is all.

first off... it's a sign of the times when event venues throw in, not only, the cake or the complimentary toast, but a website as well. sheesh.

second of all (and the point of the matter)... this particular venue is using the online communication of already hitched brides in hopes to capitalize on the collaboration and sharing that's taking place. talk about your groundswell! the sales woman made sure to stress the fact that these blog and forum participants are not paid to endorse the venue and she encouraged me to visit the online community for honest feedback of the hotel's services as well as the service and offerings of its competitors. oh she was good! she knew just how to tap into the sucker i am. (sidebar: sales folks can see me coming from a mile away. they could sell me one sock without many sales tricks).

on this site, you can find rantings and ravings from experienced (read: already married) brides about products, vendors, and ceremony do's and don'ts. you can find a few obscure questions in the community as well. this is one of my favorites. lol

anyone else out there have any planning experience or come across any other "wedding 2.0" technologies? i'm building our wedding website and will probably incorporate a blog and a mashup with the venue and google maps. it's been fun thus far. once the site is done, i'll share.

facebook & CNN... bedfellows yet again

2009-02-20T10:48:00.005-05:00

much like what facebook & CNN did on inauguration day, they're up to it again. the president will be addressing congress regarding his first piece of legislation live on CNN & facebook. i'm guessing we can expect to watch the live stream courtesy of CNN in one frame while we watch our friends and other facebook users update there statuses and comment on the address (much to debo's enjoyment, i'm sure).

i think it's interesting that the obama camp is using the web and social networking to promote transparency in the administration. well, maybe interesting is a watered-down descriptive term. i think it's pretty cool and refreshing to have more of a connection with government through the mediums most convenient and intriguing to me. i mean... i watch CNN on tv. but, i blame the MBA program on that. if there wasn't the need to stay abreast of current events in order to remain a worthwhile contributor in classes, i probably would not watch it as often as i do. it's either that or i'm just getting plain old! as 30 stares me in the face, i'm latching onto the former and i ain't lettin' go. hmph.

i digressed a bit. as i was saying... my communication mediums of choice are all things 2.0. you have better luck getting in touch with me via text, email, IM, or writing on my wall. all those things will get through to me far sooner than a voicemail. just ask my grandparents. they caught on after a while as well. so, washington has received the memo too it seems. i also think it's smart that the administration is keeping up the momentum of the young voter population garnered during the campaign. i think it makes the whole political process (at least seem) genuine and it makes all the hype that motivated an entire generation to come out and vote in record numbers more than hype.

abc.com

2009-02-15T18:17:00.002-05:00

i visit abc.go.com all the time (admittedly not since the start of spring semester, however) to catch up on a few of my preferred (dare i call them favorite) shows. "grey's..." (of course), "private practice", and "brothers & sisters" are my main attractions to the site. usually, i visit to view the full episode player which is really awesome. not novel by any of today's web standards. but, cool nonetheless. i think abc was actually one of the first networks to offer web viewing of full episodes. don't quote me on it but i think it was. maybe i should look into it?

at any rate, i figure web viewing is quite 2.0-y. why not right? so, i went to abc.go.com to explore beyond my normally tunnel-vision-driven route (i.e. straight to the full ep section). i discovered that the network has an online community for the shows that air on the network! i got waaay to excited about it, i must admit. if you head to the homepage and click on the community link, a drop-down menu will appear and there you will find all the worlds 2.0 oysters. well, at least a couple.

there are blogs maintained by the writers of the shows. the blogs detail the writers' experiences coming up with the episodes as well as interviews with cast members of the abc shows. there are also hints of upcoming episode happenings. message boards are populated with viewer commentary on varying shows. you need to become a member of the abc online community to post a comment. widgets & games are fun pieces of the community. you can actually grab widgets for a particular show to put on your blog, facebook, igoogle, or myspace pages. the widgets include a count down clock to the next episode of the show, photos from episodes, and you can even have a mobile version of the widget sent via text to your cell phone. i posted the widget in a separate post by posting it straight from the abc website. check it out.

go 'head, b

2009-02-09T14:43:00.004-05:00

after all that nonsense ms james was talkin' 'bout b...

she was still respectful.

"at last" by etta james is quite possibly my favorite song of all time. so, needless to say that i was more than excited to hear b's rendition on the cadillac records soundtrack. and she damn near nailed it! i mean it was so close to being as amazing as etta's. and i'm even more of a fan of b's for being the bigger person and remaining respectful.

picasso, picasa...

2009-01-31T19:02:00.006-05:00

anyone use picasa? or is all the world a flikr??

i've to admit that i've never used flikr to upload my photos. i've received a few invite to view albums but i've never actually been a subscriber. i choose picasa as my web album of choice. with much of the same core features as flikr, it gets the job done.

mostly, i use the site to put up pics for my family members to see. once, when a group of friends and i took a cruise together, we were all able to upload our pics to picasa and share with one another different perspectives of the trip. it was kinda cool to see the attractions and events that i'd missed while i experienced different adventures.

picasa is the web photo sharing environment for web 2.0 power house, google. so naturally, picasa albums have all the latest wiz-bang about it. you can link albums to corresponding greographic locations on a map, play back video, and (obviously) share photos with friends. you can even receive notification when your "favorite" friends make updates or post new photos to their albums. users can search public albums to see what random folks are up to and the staple 2.0 attributes, like tagging, are also features of the picasa albums.

another thing i find to be cool about picasa is that it will find all of the pictures on your computer and organize them for you. further, if you're using iPhoto (the mac photo application), there is a seamless interface between your iPhoto library and your picasa account (much like a lot of google applications). there seems to be quite the love affair between apple and google. do any of my fellow mac users concur?

any who... i thought i'd embed one of my albums here. we're currently renovating our basement. actually, finishing it. we're sharing the job with a few contractors that put up our drywall. from here out, however... it's all sweat equity. i enjoy watching it unfold step by step. what i don't enjoy is the muscle aches and pains after manual labor.

enjoy!

a new type of profiling

2009-01-30T10:27:00.001-05:00

say what?

inauguration day, CNN, & Facebook

2009-01-25T18:40:00.004-05:00

amidst all of the hoopla of this past tuesday's events, there was much to discuss, watch, see, take pics of, and just marvel in. unfortunately for me, however, i was stuck at my desk watching the inauguration festivities streaming over the web courtesy of hulu.com. surprisingly, the stream was awesome. it was like watching tv! long gone are the days of internet via phone lines. remember when you could here the dialing and connecting? or even worse... the waiting. these days, technology, and the web in particular, is so responsive and provides so much to its audience. for a split second, i was lamenting about how i was going to miss the inauguration and that i'd have to set my dvr. what was i thinking?!??! with google being one of my best inanimate friends, my momentary lapse in judgement quickly turned resourceful as i "google"d (yes, it's a verb these days) "streaming inauguration." BAM! therein lied my solution. whew! crisis averted.

so, after tuning into hulu for about two hours, i (figuratively) turned to the CNN stream of the festivities. CNN had the coolest sync with facebook! the window was split into two frames: the left being the streaming screen and the right frame of facebook status updates. users were able to view their friends updated status or all facebook user updates... real time! it was awesome to watch as folks updated their status. updates were posted in less than one second intervals. facebook reported its highest usage during the inauguration and status updates surpassed the one million mark. the collaboration made plenty of headlines peaked the interest of a lot of journalists... obviously.

yet another example of the internet platform bringing folks closer to events and other folks. in this particular case, the event just happened to be one of the most memorable, historic events of our lifetime.

toodles.

change of pace...

2009-01-19T20:57:00.008-05:00

okay so... even though there are tons of wonderful things to write about here recently, i have to switch gears for a few weeks. i'm taking a special topics course on web 2.0 technology. i don't know much about the topic... hence my enrollment. so, in the weeks to come, (as part of a recurring assignment) i'll be talking about different emerging web technologies as i learn and gain exposure to said technologies. i'll also be asking for your opinion, feedback, and wisdom on the subject matter.

right... so... one of my first assignments is to create an alter in second life. racking (sp?) my brain on a name. stay tuned and i'll keep you posted on what i come up with.

(fast-forward a few days)

i created my avatar. i thought about whether or not i should go total beyonce and create an uber alter ego. but, alas, i decided to forgo anything that is dramatically different and i'll keep her rating in likeness to mine (G-PG). after all, this is for an assignment shared with academic peers. i named her (yes... i elected to remain the same gender) after my sister and the program provides the last names available for selection. so, cheyenne overland was born. i made

if no one has ever experienced the second life environment, you should check it out. it's mind boggling (to me) that folks have developed this environment to this extent! the options available to even create my alter being are endless. not to mention the gestures and all the movements that come along with the personality. it's going to take a while for em to get the moves down. in that arena, i feel as if i'm at a complete handicap. but, if i can get used to texting on the iPhone, i guess i can concur anything. well... so to speak.

i finally figured it out!

2008-10-28T09:27:00.003-04:00

so i know... i'm slow at times... but i finally got it this morning.

i've been a democrat as long as i've had an opinion about politics and the way our country should be governed. i've voted democratic in just about every mayoral, gubernatorial, congressional, & presidential election since i was 18 (of course after extensive edification on all of the candidates). and never have i been so passionate, awe-inspired, and defensive about a candidate. i mean, down right ready to fight if anyone says anything negative about obama. and i especially go off the handle when the ignorant ass folks that i'm surrounded with everyday make unfounded negative comments. i like to tell myself that i'm not an obama fan because he's (categorically) black like me. but this morning, i realized... it sure the hell is the reason. lol. i mean, i agree with a majority of, if not, his entire platform and stance on the proverbial issues. but, dagnamit... he's a brotha! i mean, come on! THAT's why i get so worked up about this entire season. trust me, i was a clinton fan (before i could vote) and kerry was so-so. i was a gore supporter as well but i was never ready to go to blows for any of them! sheesh.

you know that anger in the pit of your stomach you get when you find out somebody's been messing with your younger sibling or somebody done said suttin' 'bout yo mama?!?! it's that kinda feeling and i finally realized, today, that it's because he feels like more than a candidate... he feels like family. he's managed to embody everything that i've been wishing politicians would say for years. he's not this over-privileged white kid that grew up to "be" in politics saying what he has to say to stay in the ol' boy's network... i REALLY believe what he says because our stories are so similar. i know i sound corny but politics have never felt so personal as they do these days... i've never felt such a close proximity to the white house as i do (vicariously) through him. it's amazing.

could this be true?

2008-09-22T13:42:00.005-04:00

"so for some of you that have been praying that the conditions on your job can get better, you may be praying against the purpose of god in your life... because god may be using the adversity on your job to create an atmosphere for you to create his purpose and destiny... because god's strength is made perfect in weakness. many times, god will put you in a situation of uncomfortableness because god is not as concerned by your comfort as he is about his purpose and sometimes god has to make you uncomfortable now, so that he can ultimately bless you later. and if you were too comfortable in the position that you are in now, you would stay there too long and miss wherever god is getting ready to take you next. so he had to stir up the 'next' and trouble the water and create an atmosphere so that his purpose can be [fulfilled]."

-T.D. Jakes

imma let my "gift make room" for me. two snaps! i ain't gonna "pray away my opportunity."

for my md, dc, & va folks...

2008-02-11T10:30:00.000-05:00

if you're registerd in any of these states/district, don't forget to do your research tonight (if you haven't already) and vote tomorrow.

smooches

what i've found...

2008-01-08T16:22:00.000-05:00

http://www.insightmag.com/Media/MediaManager/Obama_2.htm

no lie (i can't MAKE this stuff up)...

2008-01-08T12:16:00.000-05:00

a woman at my job said (paraphrasing starts here) "she's not a fan of hilary clinton because she's arrogant. she doesn't like obama because he's muslim. well, she likes him as a person but she doesn't think a muslim should be running the country given all the stuff that happened on 9/11. who knows... he could have been planted here by them years ago to run for president."

first off:
is obama muslim? or is it that his father was so, inherently, he is? like... "my dad's a jew and my mom's catholic so i'm both" typa thing? imma go google this 'cause now i wanna know.

for two:
who says that out loud?!!? and at work (for that matter)?!?! how does she know i'm not muslim or the person next to me or the person next to her? in the 5 years i've been here, never once have i claimed a religious affiliation. not once! y'all know my sentiments on religion and such so i tend to not have those discussions with folks. only thing i can figure is that she actually IS that ignorant and oblivious to say that without a second thought.

thirdly:
uh... did blatant racial/ethinc/culture/religious profiling come back in style and someone forgot to send me the memo? these days it's usually more covert, right? is it the 1960s again? you can't assume that every muslim on the planet is a terrorist.

sidebar: the more i write the more i just can't believe what i've witnessed.

this goes to show that you can't put anything past "folks." even the ones you think you know and are your friends. i've been to this woman's daughter's wedding... happy hours... strolls to the cafeteria. we even text each other when we're not at work on ocassion to make sure one another is okay or to warn one another about traffic detours in the morning.

how many other people in my daily life think this way? what's to stop them from not wanting me as a coworker or boss because i'm black, or female, or gay? i'm so mad and so sad at the same time.

it's like the time when another co-worker commented that "the gay problem in rehoboth beach really isn't that bad anymore. they just come right up to you and start talking like anyone else would." as if "the gays" (shout out to hashi tashi) are part of a zoo exhibit and they should bark like orangutan-princess in coming to america! wtf?

word

2007-12-06T15:04:00.000-05:00

shout out to the bamma that stole my catalytic converter. may you have a wonderful holiday and a more blessed new year.

status

2007-10-28T13:44:00.000-04:00

"...waiting for some magical moment that would prove to me 'forever' will be fine..."

another perspective on the "black family" and interracial families

2007-07-19T12:49:00.000-04:00

being a part of an interracial family, i'm always intrigued by how others are affected by their mergings of life, culture, and the like. a (black) friend of mine from high school is featured in the Aug issue of Latina Magazine along with his new, brilliantly gorgeous (in and out) family. check out the article. his name is marrice... her name, yahaira (pronounced ja-HAD-da.. you know...with the spanish tongue roll thingy).

interesting read...

aren't they just stunning??

5 minute management course

2007-06-25T13:40:00.000-04:00

(another one from gramps...)

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,the next-door neighbor.Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that Towel."After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?""It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies."Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to Credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, Forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129 It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you Might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish.""Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."Puff! She's gone."Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."Puff! He's gone."OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy.""Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.They're packed with nutrients."The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.Lesson 6A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

"if only...

2007-05-16T11:40:00.000-04:00

...we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time."
- Edith Wharton

sideways

2007-05-09T12:36:00.000-04:00

i always find comfort in knowing that, fundamentally, "what will be will be." sometimes that's the ONLY comfort you can find. no matter our actions, our destinies will always be.

email forward (ugh... but funny nonetheless)

2007-05-04T08:56:00.000-04:00

(and yes... i left the little email forward carats in and everything. what!!!)

>This is a true story about a recent wedding that
> took place at Clemson University . It was in the local newspaper and even Jay
> Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.
>
> After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a Microphone
> to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from
> long distances, to support them at their wedding.

> He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new
> Father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep
> appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So
> taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an
> envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their
> envelope.
>
> Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the
> best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a
> private detective to tail them.
>
> After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a Couple of
> minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!" Then he turned to his
> bride and said, "F--- you!" Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said,
> "I'm outta here."
>
> He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would
> have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this
> guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.
>
> His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding
> and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations
> in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of
> church bells.
>
> Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this?
>
> Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000.
>
> Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000
>
> Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui : $8,500
> The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping
> the best man: Priceless
>
> There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD!
>
> "Life isn't like a bowl of cherries or peaches, it's more like a jar of
> Jalapenos--what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow..."

i hear that!

yo...my mans is a fool

2007-04-17T11:28:00.000-04:00

(but i'm with 'im... for real)

"Like a blind man in an orgy, I'm going to have to feel my way through this one."

words of wisdom (hope she doesn't mind)

2007-04-12T10:21:00.000-04:00

"kind of a crazy reality check, but dig this story. there's a [co-worker] at my job. late 50s i'd say. been married for about 25 years. two teenage kids. sweet little... lady. since i've been there it's been known that her husband was sick for several years. but i had no idea how serious. yesterday, the job calls... and tells us she decided to sign a "Do Not Resuscitate" waiver if his heart stopped because he was in so much pain and wasn't going to get any better. today, he passed away.

now that's an extreme situation. but i bring it up because the way she used to talk about there time together when he was well, and how supportive she has been since he's been ill warms my heart. unconditional love personified. and it sort of put everything in perspective. i think a lot about how much energy i waste on catering to my imagination and being hateful because i've been hurt, and going so far out of my way to protect myself from being hurt again. and it's sad. i believe logic can still be there. it has to be. we're not dumb women. and it's a plus that we know how to protect and take care of ourselves. but it shouldn't be to the point where we can't enjoy who we're with. esp when the person we're with brings us undeniable happiness.

is it possible for heartbreak and betrayal to happen again? of course. it happens to the best of us no matter how hard we try to block it. and nope, it won't hurt any less. but why dwell on it? you don't want to risk pushing [them] away. don't be scared to need [them]. cuz i bet [they] need you twice as much. enjoy the blissful time together.

just love [them]. enjoy and be happy. life is short and can be taken away at anytime. the world is crazy and chaotic and upsetting and unforgiving and disloyal. and if you have peace and love in your home, and you really believe in it, nurture it. nurture it to the fullest. there's nothing better than knowing that everything is alright with the world when you can go home and your love is there.

i hope that helps a little. i'm working on it too. we need to turn our imaginations off sometimes. how sad would it be if our over-analytical brains kept us from being happy."

in seeking solace, accordance, reassurance, and (frankly) a "good talkin' to," i found this. swift kicks in pants does a girl wonders sometimes.

oh and...

"I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words." - Ellen DeGeneres

my grandfather sent this to me in an email

2007-04-05T09:32:00.000-04:00

The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry"

happy easter :)

thanks, carlendra

2007-03-12T19:13:00.000-04:00

(i know y'all get tired of hearing my preachy ass. but this time, it wasn't me...)

Definitions
By LYNETTE CLEMETSON
WASHINGTON
NEW YORK TIMES

SENATOR JOSEPH R. BIDEN'S characterization of his fellow Democratic presidential contender Senator Barack Obama as "the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy" was so painfully clumsy that it nearly warranted pity.

There are not enough column inches on this page to parse interpretations of each of Mr. Biden's chosen adjectives. But among his string of loaded words, one is so pervasive — and is generally used and viewed so differently by blacks and whites — that it calls out for a national chat, perhaps a national therapy session.

It is amazing that this still requires clarification, but here it is. Black people get a little testy when white people call them "articulate."

Though it was little noted, on Wednesday President Bush on the Fox News Channel also described Mr. Obama as "articulate." On any given day, in any number of settings, it is likely to be one of the first things white people warmly remark about Oprah Winfrey; Richard Parsons, chief executive of Time Warner; Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice; Deval Patrick, the newly elected governor of Massachusetts; or a recently promoted black colleague at work.

A series of conversations about the word with a number of black public figures last week elicited the kind of frustrated responses often uttered between blacks, but seldom shared with whites.

"You hear it and you just think, 'Damn, this again?' " said Michael Eric Dyson, a professor of humanities at the University of Pennsylvania.

Anna Perez, the former communications counselor for Ms. Rice when she was national security adviser, said, "You just stand and wonder, 'When will this foolishness end?' "

Said Reginald Hudlin, president of entertainment for Black Entertainment Television: "It makes me weary, literally tired, like, 'Do I really want to spend my time right now educating this person?' "

So what is the problem with the word? Whites do not normally object when it is used to describe them. And it is not as if articulate black people do not wish to be thought of as that. The characterization is most often meant as a form of praise.

"Look, what I was attempting to be, but not very artfully, is complimentary," Mr. Biden explained to Jon Stewart on Wednesday on "The Daily Show." "This is an incredible guy. This is a phenomenon."

What faint praise, indeed. Being articulate must surely be a baseline requirement for a former president of The Harvard Law Review. After all, Webster's definitions of the word include "able to speak" and "expressing oneself easily and clearly." It would be more incredible, more of a phenomenon, to borrow two more of the senator's puzzling words, if Mr. Obama were inarticulate.

That is the core of the issue. When whites use the word in reference to blacks, it often carries a subtext of amazement, even bewilderment. It is similar to praising a female executive or politician by calling her "tough" or "a rational decision-maker."

"When people say it, what they are really saying is that someone is articulate ... for a black person," Ms. Perez said.

Such a subtext is inherently offensive because it suggests that the recipient of the "compliment" is notably different from other black people.

"Historically, it was meant to signal the exceptional Negro," Mr. Dyson said. "The implication is that most black people do not have the capacity to engage in articulate speech, when white people are automatically assumed to be articulate."

And such distinctions discount as inarticulate historically black patterns of speech. "Al Sharpton is incredibly articulate," said Tricia Rose, professor of Africana Studies at Brown University. "But because he speaks with a cadence and style that is firmly rooted in black rhetorical tradition you will rarely hear white people refer to him as articulate."

While many white people do not automatically recognize how, and how often, the word is applied, many black people can recall with clarity the numerous times it has stopped them in their tracks.

Melissa Harris-Lacewell, professor of politics and African-American studies at Princeton University, said her first notable encounter with the word was back in high school in Chester, Va., when she was dating the school's star football player. In post-game interviews and news stories she started to notice that he was always referred to as articulate.

"They never said that about the white quarterback," she said, "yet they couldn't help but say it about my boyfriend."

William E. Kennard, a managing director of the Carlyle Group and a former chairman of the Federal Communications Commission, recalled that in his days as partner at a Washington law firm in the early 1990s written reviews of prospective black hires almost always included the words, "articulate and poised." The characterization was so consistent and in such stark contrast to the notes taken on white job applicants that he mentioned it to his fellow partners.

"It was a law firm; all of the people interviewing for jobs were articulate," said Mr. Kennard, 50, who is also on the board of The New York Times Company. "And yet my colleagues seemed struck by that quality in black applicants."

The comedian and actor D. L. Hughley, a frequent guest on HBO's "Real Time With Bill Maher," says that every time he appears on the show, where he riffs on the political and social issues of the day, people walk up to him afterward and tell him how "smart and articulate" his comments were.

"Everyone was up in arms about Michael Richards using the N-word, but subtle words like this are more insidious," Mr. Hughley said. "It's like weight loss. The last few pounds are the hardest to get rid of. It's the last vestiges of racism that are hard to get rid of."

Sometimes the "articulate" moniker is merely implied. My colleague Rachel Swarns and I chuckle wearily about the number of times we have finished interviews or casual conversations with people — always white, more often male — only to have the person end the meeting with some version of the statement, "something about you reminds me of Condoleezza Rice."

Neither Rachel nor I look anything like Ms. Rice, or each other for that matter, so the comparison is clearly not physical. The comment seems more a vocalized reach by the speaker for some sort of reference point, a context in which to understand us.

It is unlikely that whites will quickly or easily erase "articulate" and other damning forms of praise from the ways in which they discuss blacks. Listen for it in post-Super Bowl chatter, after the Academy Awards, at the next school board meeting or corporate retreat.

But here is a pointer. Do not use it as the primary attribute of note for a black person if you would not use it for a similarly talented, skilled or eloquent white person. Do not make it an outsized distinction for Brown University's president, Ruth Simmons, if you would not for the University of Michigan's president, Mary Sue Coleman. Do not make it the sole basis for your praise of the actor Forest Whitaker if it would never cross your mind to utter it about the expressive Peter O'Toole.

With the ballooning size of the black middle and upper class, qualities in blacks like intelligence, eloquence — the mere ability to string sentences together with tenses intact — must at some point become as unremarkable to whites as they are to blacks.

"How many flukes simply constitute reality?" Mr. Hudlin asked, with amused dismay.

Well said.

in case you didn't know

2007-02-28T17:14:00.000-05:00

(found this out from my employer)

"Due to the passage of the Energy Policy Act of 2005, the dates for the change to Daylight Savings Time and back to Standard Time in 2007 will differ from previous years. The time change this spring will take place on March 11, which is three weeks earlier than normal. During this three-week period (March 11 to March 31), the time in the US and most of Canada will be one hour ahead of what it would have been in past years. This change will affect computers and other technology, including PDAs and cell phones in several ways."

check it out!!!

2007-02-26T09:24:00.000-05:00

hopkins names two black women as deans in the new nursing school :)

http://www.son.jhmi.edu/newsevents/news/news.aspx?id=493

ha!

2007-02-23T09:17:00.001-05:00

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end. - Jerry Seinfeld

well...

2007-02-21T08:52:00.000-05:00

...first off
"Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry."
- Calvin Trillin

other tidbits...
i think my schedule is starting to wear on me. i'm lovin it (don't get me wrong) but a sista is tired. tired but overwhelmingly content. no doubt!

school... coasting along. i'm getting by...

rehearsals... uber productive and i'm excited about the show...
-http://www.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/stage/bal-to.race21feb21,0,406100.story
-http://www.citypaper.com/arts/story.asp?id=13275
-http://news.mywebpal.com/news_tool_v2.cfm?show=localnews&pnpID=812&NewsID=784744&CategoryID=9786&on=1

dating... leaves me speechless!

's all i got for now. bises babies

sniffles

2007-02-13T20:20:00.000-05:00

i have a serious cold. put me outta commission for two days (feels like it might go 'head and become three). it came outta no where... literally! one second watching the L word, pettin' the k-9... the next *achoo... snort....ugh* wtf? no warning. the next morning it was curtains! comfort was a no-go and would remain so til... well... the present.

aside from that...

ain't gots no valentine :( is it that serious? not really. i have work then class on v-day. so no time for an official "valentine's day date." *sneezing* fuck! at any rate, doesn't mean i'm not "adored" or loved. doesn't mean i ain't doin' no adorin' of my own. just means i don't have to pay twice the price for roses for one day in the middle of february to say so (i guess). lol. not knockin' y'all that actually get to celebrate v-day in the least bit (DN, tell "tha boy" he betta ack like he know! shooooot)

*breathing outta my mouth 'cause it's the only option right this second*

what else?

school is going okay. i'm getting "B"s and i don't like it. but, imma have to rap to the prof to find out what really tickles his fancy so that i might actually get a friggin "A," man! (lol... that cracked me up for some reason) oh, and... work is crazy busy, the "group" is amazing, and self is peacefully breathing in gratitude.

goin' night night (well, after finishing this assignment)...

paradigms (as of late)

2007-01-23T13:53:00.000-05:00

"The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced."
- Frank Zappa

in other news...

i'm super content... maybe even *gasp* happy
apparently, i suck at friendship. is that something you work on and cultivate? or should it be something that just effortlessly exists? i'm on the fence with that one. thoughts?
bee & tash are crusin' next week. uber jealous while ecstatic for 'em
i'd pick obama over hilary
and i have a new obsession...HONEY! tasting, sniffing, or smelling like it. okay so it's not new but it's recently gotten out of control :\

so...

2007-01-19T10:33:00.000-05:00

"I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down."
- Mitch Hedberg

r & r

2007-01-11T15:09:00.000-05:00

rantings:

why do some folks still try to chump me at my job because i'm the youngest (melaninly endowed) person in the office. "yes," you can walk into my cube and ask me why some process might not be running smoothly. "surely," i can give you my input/perspective as to why. "definitely," i can give you advice on how to rectify it. but, "hell nah, " you can't instruct me to follow through on trying to fix YOUR process gliche. "no," you'll not instruct me to contact this person or that to pass on the resolution. "yeah," i'm YOUR boss and i'm gonna tell you to handle it yourself. and, "you most certainly will not," have any lip. lol. folks be trippin!
uhaul & the city of baltimore are in cahoots (sp?) and clearly on a mission to piss me off royally... not feelin it!
somehow i've been swindled into starting a 100-crunches-a-day regimen. damn womanly wiles :\

ravings:

i'm finally in step with life here. none of this two steps behind business.
it'll be spring soon!
the vicki's swim catalog is out :p hot damn!
gotta love early 90s slow jams (insert your choice of any "public announcement" or "shai" song here).
bwahaha! some geekbox just called my extension and said he's "in a bit of pinch." lmao! who says that?!
i'm "sweet."
my baby puppy turned a year old this week.

happy new year wishes & ramblings

2007-01-04T09:28:00.000-05:00

"searching for self in separate rivers... and ending up in the same waterfall"
separation anxiety, though healthy/wonderful in some cases, still sucks ass majorly
i'm uber excited about the year to come. for one, i plan to put major life moves in action... securing my future type stuff. for two, things can't be any worse than last friggin year.
happy crying spells make me... well... happy!
turning over new (life) leaves, while in theory are excellent ideas, doesn't mean shit when you trample all over them :p
this year, i will be issuing instant "scram cards" to anything or one that attempts to bring negativity my way or tries to hinder my "progress" in any way, shape, or form.
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss

oh, and... happy new year, my babies! mwah

the short of it

2006-12-24T09:52:00.000-05:00

tranquility has found me. we're dancing a slow, awkward, and unfamiliar samba. but, we're learning each other. hopefully, it'll stay.

happy holidays, my luvs.

mwah!

my overshare of the day

2006-12-15T13:24:00.000-05:00

so this morning, tamia was on the steve harvey radio show. wow!!! i forgot how vicious her pipes were/are! omg! she did some old cuts (a capella) and some snippits from a few tracks on her new album (out today). AMAZING to say the least. now, again, the performance was a capella so i don't know what the entire scope of arrangement is like on the album. but, from what i heard, i think imma get it today. itunes... swipe my shit! lol

she sang a verse from a song called "me" and i was in my car crying like a damn baby :'( i could just relate to the lyrics (i guess) and her voice is soooo amazing. folks like her and amel always shock me when i revisit their stuff. i guess it's because they are so overlooked by the mainstream most of the time for the beyonces and (non-singing-ass) ashantis/ciaras. if you ever really listen to tamia or amel or jill... i mean REALLY listen... they are vocal powerhouses! especially live. like spine-tingly vocalists. at least, i enjoy them :\

kai... you got two cents? am i off base here?

any who... you guys sure have been silent out there lately. anything new? what's good? any new year's eve plans to write home about? do tell. else... screw you all :p (j/k... sort of...)

~Love was a former owner, but quiet is renting our house
It seizes my lips from speaking, but forms a sarcastic smile
Suspense now raised one of your eyebrows
You ask me if there's someone else
I replied yes, hell yes
You asked me if it's another man, I said no
You laughed and say is it a woman, I say yeah
Surprisingly you asked for honey's name

And her name is me,
And she loves me more than you'll ever know
And I finally see that loving you and loving me
Just don't seem to work at all
So patiently, she's waiting on me to tell you
That she needs love
And to choose between you two, boy you know
If I have to choose, I choose me

And she told me to tell you to never to hurt me again
Cuz if you haven't heard she's a bad chick
Even though I haven't been, no
Yet and still you try and test me by raisin' an angry hand
Put it down, put it down
I'm leavin don't try and stop me, (no)
I'm late and she is waiting, (yes)
My love for me is too much so I can't stay

And her name is me,
And she loves me more than you'll ever know
And I finally see that loving you and me
Just don't seem to work at all
So patiently, she's waiting on me to tell you
That she needs love
And to choose between you two, boy you know
If I have to choose, I choose me
Cuz she's actually formin' a threesome
And I'm happy that I can join them, and
There names are me, myself and I

And her name is me,
She loves me more than you'll ever know
I finally see that loving you and loving me
Just don't seem to work work at all
So patiently, she's waiting on me to tell you
That she needs love,
And to choose between you two, boy you know
If I have to choose, I choose me
She's waiting on me to tell you that she needs love,
Gotta choose between you two, and you know
And if I have to choose,
I choose me, me, I gotta go with me~

a few catchings up and anecdotes

2006-12-11T19:17:00.000-05:00

(and yes... i said catchings... what?!?!)

first order of business:
"Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything. "
- Kurt Vonnegut

i feel this way when my mortgage comes outta my account or i get to experience the joyful (insert sarcastic tone here) side-effects of the decisions i've made "for the better."

next up:
why did a fox news cast guy repeatedly refer to barack obama as an "articulate" and "well-spoken" "young man." wtf?!?! as if he was suppose to be something else. he's a u.s. senator for pete's sake! perhaps his new hampshire visit/speech shoulda went, "o-k-k-k... i'm fit'n ta run fa prez out dis bitch!" furthermore, he's older than my daddy so "young" wouldn't be what i'd use to describe him either. now, with respect to most folks who sit on the senate, he very well may be "young." but i detected that "boy" undertone to it. call me what you want but i know what i heard. damn shame. not a shocker but still a disappointment. then again, we shouldn't be watching fox for news anyways. it's always laced with a one-sided point of view. plus, it's the network that broadcasts "the o.c."

moving on:
i have officially bumped atlanta to the top of my list of "cities to which i want to relocate." so the list is short, but it made it's way to the top. i visited this weekend and had a cool time. last time i visited i was a junior in hs. so that didn't count. this time around i got my grown woman on (as best i know how) and i was enlightened. i must get back there a few more times before i can make it official. i need to check out the famlee scene down there just to seal the deal.

(psst...DN... i got the brochures. lol)
(ms luvjunky, what you got??)

nighty night, my loves. mamma loves ya :)

so...

2006-12-06T08:56:00.000-05:00

i didn't sleep well last night. actually, i should say this morning. and here i'm thinking it was a sealed deal. i had this monstrous burger, a nice pint of yeungling, and a bottle of some kinda fruity beer thingy (think "framboise"-esque). full belly and the malt liquor gave me a major case of "the 'itis". i get home and practically plumet into bed and i'm out, right! then, at 3 friggin 49 this morning, i'm up...wired... wtf?!?! i hate that mess. i was determined to fall back to sleep. so i laid there still as a rock tryna lure myself to sleep to the hum of the space heater. and wouldn't you damnit know it... i ain't get another wink of shut eye before it was time to get up?!?! that pretty much blew me this morning.

tonight... i'm trying one of my lack-luster remedies... sleepy time pills :P

otherwise... how is hump day for everyone? do tell (if you are so inclined)

mwah!

am i...

2006-12-05T11:20:00.000-05:00

an ass for not attending all the black staff stuff that happens on campus? or how 'bout the black alumni stuff at hopkins? i feel like i'm not reaching back these days and that i'm too wrapped up in my own isht. selfish much, chantele? geez. where's my motivation, "caesar?"

(quick... what movie is that from??)

point of inquiry

2006-12-04T10:04:00.000-05:00

providence would not put more on me than i could handle, right?

my thinking is that the answer is, "no." couple that with the fact that no one (as of late) has made any choices FOR me and that they have all been my own. so, that said, i should be cool with the decisions i make, right? right. if i'm strong, sound, and rational enough to use/make "better judgements" i should be strong and sound and rational (throw confident in there too) enough to deal with said choices and/or decisions.

that's what i thought.

p.s. a co-worker just hipped me to a new mantra... "you did it... own it... fix it." imma have to go 'head and adopt that one for a minute. a few of us out there might consider doing the same.

go figure

2006-12-01T10:17:00.000-05:00

my stomach hurts :( we're on day 3 of that bs.

and the broad that works next to my cube at work (the one that believes she's the smartest thing since newton) just said "subsideraries"... not "subsidiaries!" tell me that shit ain't hilarious?!?!?

was reminded of this song today

2006-11-29T12:52:00.000-05:00

I would dig a hole all the way to China
Unless of course I was there
then I’d dig my way home
If by diggin’ I could steal the wind from the sails of the greedy men who ruled the world
Still you’re my best friend
And after a good, good drunk
You and me wake up and make love after a deep sleep
Where I was Dreamin’...
Dreamgirl...

I was feelin’ like a creep
As I watched you asleep
Face down in the grass,
in the park, in the middleof a hot afternoon
Your top was untied
And I thought how nice
It’d be to follow the sweat down your spine
You’re like my best friend
Aww after a good, good drunk
You and me wake up and make love after a deep sleep
Where I was Dreamin’...
Dreamgirl...

Caught by a wave
my back to the ocean it knocks me off my feet and
just as I find my footing
here you come again
Dreamgirl...

Dave Matthews

now if only it were reality :\ one day soon...promise ;)

i'll be fucking radiant!

2006-11-28T20:30:00.000-05:00

just sent a message to a friend who is beautiful through-and-through (i keeps a harem of 'em if you ain't heard) and i was commenting on her aesthetic & outward beauty. she referenced (what she believes to be) mine. then it hit me... i'm workin' on too many things internally... too many ugly things right now to possibly exude any thing like a "beauty." i definitely need to "get right" and when i do... well... you caught the title.

ain't it tha truth

2006-11-27T08:51:00.000-05:00

"There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it."
- Mary Wilson Little

oh... and two things:
1. discovered a new word... "proviso." cool huh?
2. m-w.com has a snazzy new look :)

*aaaaand scene*

looking forward to...

2006-11-16T20:26:00.000-05:00

ooo... thanksgiving dinner
getting my emotions in order
shit... gettin' my everything in order
performing again
unspoken connection
painting my walls to cover the puppy paw prints
omg! decorating
finding the money to do the aformentioned

~time out~ marvin gaye's "got to give it up" just started playin on my itunes *doing the snake... moving my hips.... snappin' my fingers* "ooo... move it up... turn it 'round... shake it down..."
my bad ~time in~

the GMATs... NOT!!! really just getting them over with
going to atl
moving to houston (don't ask)
a mediterranean cruise
introduction to familiar scent

~fuck~ now it's counting crows... i'm not in the mood for somber-esque-ness

words unsaid
the truth for a change (didn't realize it was so much to ask)
being fine, warm

p.s.

2006-11-03T14:49:00.000-05:00

i liked his first one. but i'm on robin thicke's new one HARD y'all!!

thanks, mike :D

and lawd clawd... eye candy ain't the word.

double thanks to ya.

gotta love my alma mater :\

2006-11-03T13:57:00.000-05:00

this that isht that always brings it back for me. Here is an e-bulletin from the president of the Society of Black Alumni. (I'll try to find something perhaps less biased and more "official" in other news blurbs so you guys don't just get my pissed off point of effin' view)

Dear fellow Johns Hopkins graduate:

Over the weekend, a very disturbing incident occurred on the Homewood campus. As president of the Johns Hopkins University Society of Black Alumni, I thought you should be aware of the situation, the facts as I understand them, and how the university is responding.

On Saturday, October 28, the Sigma Chi fraternity sponsored a party entitled "Halloween in the Hood," purportedly hosted by the late Johnnie L. Cochran. Decorations outside the fraternity house included a plastic skeleton dressed as a pirate hanging from a noose. Partygoers were asked to wear "regional clothing" from Baltimore, which was itself described as "the hood" or "the HIV pit." The "regional clothing" that was suggested included "copious amounts of so-called bling bling, ice ice, grill [sic], hoochie hoops, white Tee's and Air Force Onez."

Moreover, other language viewed as offensive by black undergraduate students was posted on the college social networking website Facebook.com. The invitation was ordered taken down by the university's Greek Life representative on Friday, only to reappear later with even more offensive language. After learning this on Saturday evening and discovering that the event had proceeded, the Greek Life office decided to shut the party down. Before the party was closed, several black students went to see firsthand what was going on and found it so offensive that many returned in tears.

On Sunday, October 29, there was a meeting of the Black Student Union to plan a course of action in response to the Sigma Chi event. On Monday morning, October 30, the black students began a protest in front of the Charles Street entrance to the university and in front of Garland Hall. It is my understanding that the protests are expanding, and that all students have been invited to wear blue ribbons evidencing support for the Black Student Union's protest.

In response to Sigma Chi's actions, the university immediately launched an investigation aimed at determining whether the fraternity and/or any of its members violated university policies. Pending the results of this investigation, the activities of Sigma Chi fraternity have been suspended. I am also informed that the national chapter of Sigma Chi has expelled at least one former member of the Johns Hopkins chapter in the wake of this incident.

On Monday, October 30, the university held an open forum for students and other members of the university community to allow discussion of these events. The black students used the forum to vent their overall frustrations with the Hopkins experience, with the consistent themes being:

1. The feeling of racial hostility on campus

2. A lack of student body diversity

3. The paucity of black faculty

President Brody initially issued a statement denouncing the actions of the fraternity, which you can read at: http://www.jhu.edu/news_info/news/home06/oct06/frat.html

Last night, President Brody issued a second statement in which he outlined a new set of Principles for Ensuring Equity, Civility and Respect for All at Johns Hopkins. You can read the statement at: http://www.jhu.edu/news_info/news/univ06/nov06/statement.html

The SOBA Executive Committee applauds the university's swift reaction to the incident.

wtf?!?! funny part is i JUST had a facilitated conversation last night in dance rehearsal about how prevalent racism still is and how there are rose-colored glasses wearin' folk are out there preachin' about how racism is on a decline. MY ASS! the company is developing new, race-related work. mind you, the company is very diverse. the task at hand was to speak to one another about our frustrations with race relations and the like in order to fuel the "hate" that portions of the piece will depict. provocative... i know... awkward... definitely! relevant and necessary... you bet your sweet hind parts. i can't wait to see how it pans out. the work that is. i already know how this hopkins shit will play out.

pssh.

(chain email) food for thought

2006-10-30T11:18:00.000-05:00

George Carlin's Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone. But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!" May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them."
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain be idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10.Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
And if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who cares? But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!

inveterate and crabwise

2006-10-27T09:39:00.000-04:00

it's 'cause of the former that i'm pretty sure that 1) i (recently came to the conclusion) genuinely want a family and 2) that i'd be nothing if it weren't for the efforts of others.

the latter is more of a consequence; a culminating wreckage of my life as we speak. wonder when (not if) i'll be right-sided. i sure hope it's soon 'cause my one arm has fallen asleep :\

salt

2006-10-24T12:43:00.000-04:00

~How can you lose your song?
When you have sung it for so long?
How can you forget your dance, your dance
When THAT dance is all you ever had?
It must be, it must be true
You can’t SEPARATE THE TWO you can’t It’s impossible to do JUST like the salt in the stew
Oh my, it’s all A part of you
One thing that life cannot do
Life can’t do it NO It can’t take your song from you
So when life brings a chance, a chance
For you to give your part, TO give your part away
Don’t just stand there FEELING scared
Don’t be afraid
'Cause there could be a treasure right there
Now listen, listen to THE truth It does not matter, doesn’t matter what TO do
Still gonna BE you Just like the salt in the stew
...it’s all A part of you
And one thing, the one thing that life cannot do
...can’t do it NO It can´t take your song from you
Life can’t take it, you DON’T give it
Life can’t take it
It can´t take your song from you~

-lizz wright

truths (reiterated for me lately)

2006-10-19T10:11:00.000-04:00

karma
what you sow you are destined to reap
that which you put into the universe will surely be returned to you
when you play with fire (dumb ass) you will undoubtedly get burned!

unfaithful???

2006-10-16T09:07:00.000-04:00

so... pretty much anyone who knows me knows that i have this internal struggle with "my faith": what it is and what it "should" be. if you'd no idea, consider yourself (now) privy to my outlook.

i don't subscribe, per se, to all the literal teachings of the bible. however, i was raised in the Lutheran Christian church. now, that said, i have no clue what separates lutheran from baptist from episcopal from pentecostal to whatever. i was never taught and never had the hankering to research and educate myself on the differences. with respect to religion (period) i only know the "basic" differences between the "major" world religions (islam, judaism, or the like). personally, i feel like it would be arrogant (and totally obnoxious, might i add) of me to assume my beliefs are the end-all-be-all and that anyone who thinks otherwise needs to be "converted" in order to be properly prepared for "judgement." sidebar: let the record show that i'm extremely hesitant to even discuss my view point at times because i'm so fearful that it may seem as if i'm attacking or belittling someone else's beliefs. now THAT would be disrespectful if that were my intent and would speak to the exact arrogance i live life trying not to exude.

carrying on... so, yeah... can't get with the bible. it's such a fantastic literary work. but that's just it... it's TOO fantastic (as in the definition of the word). i'm so much of a practical, scientific-minded, cynic to believe those things happened. aside from that, i feel that the version that i've come to read (admittedly, i've never read it cover to cover but i've read some... geez) has traversed so many countries, languages, and individuals that it's hard to accept it's current interpretation as "the truth." does the game "whisper down the lane" ring a bell here? you KNOW how f*cked up your message gets by the time it comes full circle. so throw a few language changes in there and it's gotta be even worse! nothing ever translates literally from language to language. c'mon. i've never been to mosque or the synagogue either but i'm willing to bet i might feel the same about the torah and the koran :\ (who knows)

this is all on one hand (so to speak). on my other... i believe i am a very spiritual person. i guess i (in part) subscribe to religion in general as i find truth and value in a lot of the underlying lessons; those that speak to developing a virtuous self, handling interpersonal relationships, developing a "productive" progressive community, etc. furthermore, i believe that there is order in everything that exists (e.g. "everything happens for a reason"). i don't claim to know why or how come whilst i choose not to explain the inexplicable by a default omnipotent, omniscient "god." i know karma is real, i believe the miracle of birth (in any genus, species, or what have you) is awe inspiring, and the behavior of our universe is almost surreal. i don't necessarily believe in happenstance is what i'm getting at.

so how does one, who thinks/feels all these things, NOT claim a religion? *shrugging my shoulders* i guess that's why i'm asking... am i unfaithful... am i faithless? i don't think so. clearly. but, i went to church this past weekend (YES! at my mom-mom's request) and the sermon was interesting. it was the typical, black church stuff... singing, holy ghosts, shouting, ultra-animated preacher... the whole nine. it was provocative, moving at times, and made me very introspective as the whole "moral" of the sermon spoke to the "frantic & faithless community." The frantic who would not be so frantic if the community came back to the church. I buy it in one respect because he talked about the home, taking ownership for your home and the rearing of your children so that you may become productive, law-abiding citizens, yata yata. i get that and TOTALLY agree. i was really feeling it all (obviously overlooking the constant references to "jesus as [my] lord and savior") and was even moved almost to tears a few times UNTIL that oh-so-judgemental tone overcame the message of the (now unscripted) preacher. right then and there the tears dried up, i shook my head, the glowy-eighties-video-effect was instantaneously lifted, my hand went on my hip, and i heard myself in my head yell out the most sistah-fied "uh unh, no he didn't!" see... that right there is exactly why i can't get with institutionalized religion and "the church."

i dunno... i guess i should just do me. but, if it is true that there is a book of life and i ain't in it 'cause i'm not "saved"... it's really gonna suck! especially considering i feel like i'm doing everything in my power to "live right" on this planet during my tenure here.

monkey wrench in my thought process: there was a point in the sermon when the preacher asked us to hold hands with our neighbors (my sister to my left and my brother to my right). So i did. no biggie. he then asked us to bow our heads in prayer. did that. the prayer culminated with his request for us to hug our neighbors in efforts to thank them for being miracles in our lives. i turned to my left to hug my sister first (jokingly because she's 13 and i KNEW she'd get all squeamish) and out of no where i virtually had the wind knocked outta me by my brother emphatically hugging me from behind! i gave my sister the superficial hug i'd set out to give her and turned (still in his embrace) to properly return the hug to my brother as i kissed the top of his head. now, what in the world could make a 7-year-old hear the preacher's request, comprehend it and (without hesitation and so innocently) give such an authentic hug to show that he considered me to be one of his miracles and to show so much appreciation??? it made me smile all over... i was warm... i was comforted.

i'm not...

2006-10-13T11:15:00.000-04:00

completely sewn up yet :\ just realized that last night.

________ of the day

2006-10-11T13:17:00.000-04:00

definition: braggadocio - empty boasting.
quote: "I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something. - Mitch Hedberg
random thought: i want a jackie wilson cd... luckily there's a gift waiting for me!
weather: 71 deg and rainy :(
mood: :\
hankering: macaroni and cheese, sitting on mom-mom's lap, or those black, peep toe pumps for which i've been hunting. ooo... or performing. and a hug. (guess that's hankeringS, huh?)
coolest thing: my uncle called me just to say "hi" "he was thinking of me" and "he loves me"! how cute and heart-warming was that?!?!

the dork in me :\

2006-10-10T11:42:00.000-04:00

so a co-worker (*assuming* she's not the one who stole my tea) has introduced me to the Mission Statement Generator at dilbert.com and i think the shit is hilarious (which speaks to my total dorkdom, unfortunately). on the bright side, D-N & MC should enjoy this as well so i'm not alone in this (lol).

have a blast with it!

today: "We efficiently supply value-added sources to allow us to seamlessly engineer mission-critical services"

P.S. excellent read! (note the "comment"ary as well)

uber pissed

2006-10-09T13:49:00.000-04:00

... 'cause an anonymous co-worker of mine took my nectarine-flavored white tea out of the effing office refrigerator! *heated beyond belief*

white wine and/or orgasm(s)

2006-10-08T00:57:00.000-04:00

(singly or coupled) are sure fire ways to get a good night's sleep :P

your dose

2006-10-04T07:50:00.000-04:00

why in the damnit hell does mr effin t have a reality show coming out called "i pity the fool"? 'cause apparently "in every city, there's a fool to pity." lol. first "flava of love" now this mess. i'm soooo waitin' for barack obama's reality show to premiere. but, in our true fashion, black folks'll send that to the neilson rating graveyard after the pilot :\ ah well. i give up.

ALSO... missed my first trash day (at my new digs), discovered i sorta kinda like the rascal flatts, and absolutely dislike xhibit's new song about concentration (i can flow better than that! shheeeeiiit).

oh, and, my first modern class is tonight :\

here she go

2006-09-26T22:26:00.000-04:00

"Hi Chantele,

It is possible that there was a mismatch in the audition and perhaps you should be at a higher level than that in which you were placed. If you feel this is the case I recommend that you attend the first class at the level and time in which you were placed and talk with the teacher about moving up.....she will be able to tell more easily then the audition if it is an inproper fit and she will let you where to move to after the first class. Thanks and sorry for the confussion.

(president)"

mm hmm

updates and such

2006-09-26T13:02:00.000-04:00

so...first things first... I GOT A HOUSE, Y'ALL!! bringin' it back... settlement was yesterday morning and i will finally be moving (tomorrow) into my own space since my separation. i think at that point i will feel like i can officially start my new, revised chapter. it feels great, scary, and exciting all at the same time. whew! cocktails at MY place after i get settled!

up next... why the hell did my "old" ass go and audition for the dance company at my job this past weekend?!?! lemme back up even mo'. i work at a college (for those of you who don't know... which there really shouldn't be anyone who doesn't considering the only folks who read this know me outside of blog land... i digress). the students on campus have an organized dance company and they held these pseudo-auditions to join. i say "pseudo" because everyone (whos ever been to a really intense audition) knows that you normally have to learn some insanely difficult routine in 9.5 seconds, regurgitate it at performance level PLUS come prepared with some 'ography of your own. not to mention the resume and head shots that are a requirement. nah... this joint... you just had to show up, learn about 4 counts of 8, execute it in a group with like 3 other people, and wait to be placed in a class level appropriate to your skill set (got that snazzy "buzz word" from my boy, mike...holla!) i'm figuring, since they're not cutting anyone, i don't have to be a student to participate. right? right. in addition, i've been complaining about needing to take classes but not having the money. this company operates pretty much so like any other company of which i've been a part; you continually take classes while piling rehearsals on top of class schedules when performances are approaching yata yata. so, i can get some free classes outta the deal. even if they turn out to be not-so-challenging, i can move around in some nice studio space for free. right? right.

NOW...all that said, can i just set the scene fo' ya? thaaannks. right so, all the chil'rens in this audition have the sloppy, sorority girl ponytails, nude tights, short shorts with "dance" across the ass, and using the word "like" between every pertinent word of their sentences. ugh! anywho, no one gets cut at these auditions and all levels are welcome. fine. that's beautiful to be all-inclusive and what not. but how can you effectively "place" folks if you haven't given material to reflect the varying levels of skill that you've solicited. in each audition installment i attended (tap, modern, & "hip-hop"), the choreography was very basic, very beginner (MAYBE intermediate at best). this is turning into the longest set-up of my life so i'll just cut to the chase... i placed in advanced modern (okay technique displayed) and advanced "hip-hop" (lawd... that mess of an audition is another entry altogether... lmao. just picture "bring it on" classified as hip-hop. n-e-wayssss) get this... a bitch was placed in beginner tap!!! wtf?!?! i'm a fucking tapping, beastly genious! (lol) okay... so i'm not nearly anything like that but i don't think i'm THAT much of a novice :\ this 'ography that they made us do at the audition was straight Rockettes (less the kicks, turns, complexity and all-around entertainment value) and they placed me in the beginner class. why did i email the president of the company and say:

"(president):

I attended the dance company auditions this weekend. I just looked at the posted placements and I'm interested in attending a different class than the one in which I was placed. In particular, I was placed in beginner tap. However, I'm more interested in taking the advanced class. Should I just attend the class that I prefer or do I need to audition again?

Thanks,
Chantele"

Everyone, meet the diplomatic, politicin', wanna save face at work chantele. now, SW philly chantele may have executed said correspondence as follows:

*tap tap tap on (president)'s shoulder... pointing at the posted placement sheet*

"um... bitch please! where the hell the advanced class at b'fo' i have ta slap'shit out of you?"

and you damn right i woulda left some words, verbs, and conjugations out! (lol) WHAT?!?!

we'll see how it goes down and imma keep you guys posted about how my stint with the student dance co is going. there's soooo much more to this story that i can't even type right now. i'm blown just thinking about it all over again.

favorite question (posed to me) of the weekend: "are you a freshman cause i've never seen you around before?"

at least i can still be mistaken for an 18 yr old :\

laterrrrs

lmfao!

2006-09-19T15:24:00.001-04:00

"they ain't got a smidge percentage of the diva stank (in a good way!) you got. [they] smells it on ya :) "

-one of the infamous "3D" (i ain't been inducted yet...lol)

wanna know what is...

2006-09-13T16:30:00.000-04:00

obnoxious: popping gum and/or chewing with your mouth open... ugh!
priceless: long hugs
expensive: GAS!
tasty: chocolate gelati
annoying: arrogance, insubordination (damn you, herman), negative energy
sexy: confidence
admirable: strength and humility are tied (in my opinion)

just things that moved me in one direction or another today.

bises

don't sleep on the kid

2006-09-08T09:07:00.000-04:00

so the jury (namely, me) is back on b's "b'day". i never expect much lyrically from her. there are some bangers though if you can get past the fact that she talks about her financial status the whole time. one main theme i'm feeling though (especially these days) is the notion of the single, self-sufficient, collar-poppin, modern chick doin the damn thing! (i have to high-five her on that one) anyone who knows me in the least bit knows... i ain't THAT chick... but i'm workin on it. the message is reassuring and motivating and all that good stuff. much like india was my solace a few months ago... this joint right here'll have a bitch noddin' her head like, "damn shame... i (amongst others) was sleepin on myself." remember that post from a minute back ("uh anh...") when i was so "derailed"? well, a broad's on the road to getting back on her a-game... making herself... well... herself again. stay tuned.

"takin' care of home and still fly... that's a good look..."
-bk

truth: i swear we musta co-wrote #10

pssst... thanks d-n. i hear ya voice in my head whenever i feel like i ain't "enough".

...

2006-09-07T10:05:00.001-04:00

(you know how i do) so, here's my random-esque-ness for the week:

i'm having a blast
i think my brother is the CUTEST thing ever
i miss my mom... go figure
did i mention i'm having a blast?
excitement about (dare i say it) the new house is setting in
got my birfday shoes on today
i must admit that i will purchase beyonce today :\
i have an overwhelming hankering for italian today (lol)... y not?
is it me, or is it hot in this office today? i'm betting the former :P (buaahaha...not!)
i haven't had rita's in like a week! wtf
i had a very interesting debate about abortion with my roomates last night. didn't realize how much my perspective has evolved since i last debated the topic...back in high school when i was a rallying, bra-burning, bleeding liberal.

maybe later...

going home

2006-09-02T13:09:00.000-04:00

i had the best time last night. sidebar: lately, i've been really thinkin' i'm grown and stayin out later than usual on nights that i normally wouldn't. but rest assured, providence gives me a swift kick in the ass the next morning as a reminder that i ain't the young, whipper-snapper i once was (lol). anyways, i spent the evening with lots of pinot grigio, yummy vittles, great music, and (virtually) divine company. oh... it was awesome! the plan for the rest of the weekend is to stay pretty busy and ultra entertained. it's been a minute since i had some what of a social life. didn't realize how much i missed hopping from town to town, one circle of friends to another... fun fun fun with all the kindsa lovin mixed in. i wish i had my darned camera to give you guys the recap on monday. shoot! but, alas, it's packed away at "the house" (as i so affectionately call it).

randomness for the day...

i love my doggie. i kiss his forehead (for lack of a better term), scratch his belly, and take things out of his mouth that he's not suppose to be eating (just like a friggin baby man!). i like his stinky, outside, wet dog smell. i love when he rests his head on my foot while i'm in the middle of doing something and i don't wanna move cause he's so "stinkin cute" (damn you, bee). the heavy sigh is hilarious... like he's really been doing something besides sleeping and eating all day (lol). i wish i could see him everyday :\ i'm so afraid he will forget who i am one day. *my heavy sigh*

why oh why

2006-08-31T10:33:00.000-04:00

(these are the questions i found myself asking myself today...)

10:37 am
...did this lady come to my desk smelling like absorbine jr. and jean nate?? pew/pugh
...the hell did i go to gay bingo last night... and have fun?!?! (the number caller dude was the most hilarious queen... but then again... what queens aren't funny?)
11:16
...do i seriously like that "fergie ferg" song? it really is a banger isn't it?!

preach!

2006-08-27T08:41:00.000-04:00

"This woman is growing weary
Of having to be so strong
Of having to pretend I'm made of stone
So I won't end up with no broken bones
I can't fight every battle alone

I want someone to lift me
Heal my wounds and give me kisses on my head
Say words that should be said
Fear is not the matter
I would so much rather open up my heart
And lay down my guard

If I could trust someone
To have my back and never do me wrong
Then I would give my love up
Just like that stop singing this soldier song

whomever said love was overrated
must not be gettin' none
my independent days have had their fun
but when the parties over
and the workin' day is done
I just want to come home to someone

I want a love to take me
As I am not make me compromise myself
Or be like no one else
Fear is not the matter
I would so much rather open up my heart
And just lay down my guard

If I could trust someone
To have my back and never do me wrong
Then I would give my love up
Just like that stop singing this soldier song"

oddest thing

2006-08-25T19:21:00.000-04:00

lately, i've been waking up at obscene hours in the morning. i'll be in a nice, deep sleep... i'll rollover to adjust... and BAM... the thoughts start plowing through my head and they just won't freakin quit! i mean i'm wide awake thinking about all the drama & chaos that consumes me these days. i'm stressin' about work and home and occasionally random thoughts make their way into the mix. anyhow, i'm up for hours on end and that shit is a major blower when you have to get up at 6 am for work! it's been going on for like two weeks... saturdays and sundays too! one morning this past week i was so wide awake that i friggin blogged at 6:02 am! wtf?!?!? maybe this is an overshare and a half but i have a fool proof way to get some quick shut eye when all else fails ;P lol...

while i complain about the idle time, it does serve as a good time to reflect uninterrupted. i usually do A LOT of reflecting in my car to, fro', and about. but my road rage is outta control and all it takes is for one asshole to piss me off and the reflection period goes out the window and i'm blown for the remainder of the commute. but early morning reflection is therapy at times. just two days ago i realized how rare it is that i tell those really important people in my life how much they mean to me. wednesday morning's installment won my aunt lynn a 5 am email gushing about how unbelievably awesome i think she is. i mean, i'm in the dark, crust in my eyes, breath stankin' typing a mushy email to her thanking her for being in my life. it was peace.

so, everybody watch out... if you suddenly get random correspondence (be it email, text, voice message, or straight up phone call) at 4 am in the near future... let this serve as your warning :\ at least you'll understand why and just MAYBE you won't curse me the hell out! (lol)

mwah!

i like/love...

2006-08-24T06:02:00.000-04:00

hugs from behind coupled with soft neck kisses
edy's cookie dough ice cream
watching my mom-mom hand dance to "jimmy mack" with my uncle
a gentle hand on my knee when we're riding in the car
stilettos... stilettos... and more stilettos (lol)
when my little sister calls me to shoot the shit
when my little brother acts like he doesn't care that i've come home to visit
jane monheit (that white girl can blow)
when a man is a man and takes care of his (or someone else's) kids
women
occasional solitude
other pisces
(admittedly) compliments... even though they make me uncomfortable. weird right?
macaroni and cheese
unconditional love
my new mac (uber cute)
the scent behind your partner's ear
spooning
conscious hip-hop
rosa passos
(omg) surprises!!!!!
(to be continued)

in other news... one of my best friends is initiating an artistic movement y'all! and..... she's asked me to be a part of the executive counsel (so to speak). talk about humbled, honored, and flattered all in one! i'll keep you posted about said movement as more details unfold. but, rest assured, i'm mad excited. "boosted" even (for my pg heads). she's gonna absolutely hate me for putting her on blast but f-it... she can't beat me! okay, maybe she can but still... i'm grown and imma do it anyway. PLUS, i just happen to think she's brilliant... check her out!

butting up against anger (...finally)

2006-08-22T21:32:00.000-04:00

i'm developing a "zero tolerance" for folks that cower and lie and/or mislead others. no matter the mechanism; be it by omission, direct deceit, or the like. i just can't stand it!!! tell me the fucking truth! don't lie to me! don't hide from me! don't play me or others against one another (yourself included)... ya know?!?!

i guess my short-coming is the fact that my personal governance deems everyone 200% trustworthy until they show me otherwise. but that only seems to get me knocked sideways most of the time. i HATE being blind-sided/sighted (??). i HATE it! i DON'T like being unprepared for things. i DON'T like loosing my footing. and i especially DON'T like it when folks know that about me and prey on the shit. while i live my life being accommodating and trying to find the good in folks and being so concerned with the well-being of others... don't push me.

holla back, "bitch"

p.s. i'm still groovin, y'all. don't worry.

"i don't talk about whippin' nobody's ass 'til the bridge."

life is...

2006-08-22T09:10:00.000-04:00

good. i'm chillin. still an emotional work i progress but learning, healing and all that jazz. i'm pretty excited about recent events but i'm a super cynic and i hate getting excited about or talking about things before they actually come to fruition for fear that they may not. but, keep your fingers crossed out there for me :) i do ask a lot of you guys in doing so but i need all the positivity i can get. let me know if i can ever return the favor for you!

mmmm.... i think that's all i got today. i need to speak on the times that i'm feeling groovy just as often as the times that i'm not, dig?

peace be your day

who knew?!?!

2006-08-16T10:49:00.000-04:00

note to self:

black folks CAN & DO peel after direct, prolonged exposure to the sun (i.e. deliberate tanning)

end note

i had...

2006-08-14T08:32:00.000-04:00

an amazing time this weekend. omg! absolutely phenomenal.

you'd think i spent the entire weekend in the turks and caicos or something. NO! i did an overnight trip to o.c. maryland. big woop, right? oh... you don't know the half. it took me 4.5 hours to get from bmore to ocean city! traffic was off the chain. at any rate, i met my family down there and i haven't seen this part of my fam for a minute let alone spent that much time with them. we used to go to o.c. all the time when i was a kid so it was so nostalgic to be there with them again after years of hiatus. it was so amazing because it was just so comfortable... overwhelmingly familiar. since i moved back to md 4 years ago, i just have had such a disconnect between who i am and where i live. i'm such a philly girl... my whole family is still there and i just miss it soooo much. i've never truly been able to settle into a life here. ask kai and mikeSee how often i used to rip up 95 on the weekends (lol). i actually found comfort and "home" for a sec in my relationship. that became my familiar comfort zone away from home. now that that's dissolved, i feel so homeless again and it makes me sick to my stomach. but this weekend made me sooooo happy cause i got to have a smidgen of comfort and familiarity. i was so sad to leave them and i cried damn near the whole ride back to bmore. but, i was so thankful to love a group of people so much and so grateful to know that that "familiar" will always be there for and in me.

so "great weekend" is an understatement. bonus: i got a tan! hot damn!

crossin' over?

2006-08-11T09:29:00.000-04:00

alright so i think i'm about to make the switch, y'all! no... not in the way you think! that'll never change for the most part ;) i mean i'm thinking of getting a mac. i'm really feeling the macbook. i never thought in a million years that i'd be that enticed by the aesthetics and practicality of mac to switch from the ever-freezing, virus-prone pc. but alas, i'm pretty sure it will be my fall gift to myself.

there... i've officially delivered my random thought for the day.

mwah!

for my women's lib and "famlee" sistas...

2006-08-09T13:37:00.000-04:00

how cute is this?!?! A friend of mine sent this to me in an email and it was a knee slapper. cheers!

This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us when we were little girls:

Once upon a time in a land far away a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: " Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes , bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so. "That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself: I don't freakin think so.

anybody...

2006-08-08T12:01:00.000-04:00

...know who's gonna be at september's jazzy summer nights in bmore?? anyone wanna go?

i haven't heard live music in a while and i think it'll be refreshing *sigh*

blast from the past (this that ish i be talkin' 'bout)

2006-08-06T21:36:00.000-04:00

almost a year ago to the day, i received this email (from my subscription of the Daily Om) in my inbox. funny how i stumbled across it today in the midst. happy reading :)

"While we may not recognize it at the time, every challenge we face is ultimately an opportunity to bring more love and higher consciousness into our lives. The obstacles we encounter every day - whether great trials or minor bumps in the road - provide us an opportunity to learn and to grow. By placing obstacles in our path, the universe focuses our attention on life lessons that, on a deeper level, we wish to comprehend more fully. If we choose to, we can view any disharmony in our daily lives as an invitation to shed an old belief or behavior pattern in favor of a more enlightened one. The challenge is to recognize the lesson being offered by a given situation. Often we learn about a positive quality by experiencing its opposite. An impulse toward anger may teach us about love or acceptance. A sense of constraint may teach us about freedom. A situation that appears beyond our control may prompt us to discover our own role in its creation. The lessons presented to us may encourage us to develop soul qualities such as humility, patience, or forgiveness. Sometimes we are too involved in our present difficulty to find that higher perspective is more easily recognized in hindsight. Yet this doesn't mean we are without the tools to deal with it. Regardless of the size and nature of your difficulty, an attitude of love and gratitude will move you through it more easily and bring resolution more quickly. When difficulties arise, hold a loving thought for yourself and for whoever else is involved. Challenge yourself to find something in the situation to be grateful for, no matter how small, and thank the universe for it. This shift in attitude will shift the situation and your perspective, and it will bring you closer to that deeper understanding your soul is seeking on your behalf. Life lessons don't always come packaged the way we expect them to, and it is sometimes these lessons that ultimately bring us the greatest joy."

from the Daily Om 09/06/05

no title

2006-08-04T09:51:00.000-04:00

okay i promise... one day my posts won't be so melancholy. but, i'm using this space as an outlet for my <fill in the noun form of an emotion> in which i'm currently living.

anyhow... as much as i rant and rave and praise duality when everything is smooth sailing, i should at least be consistent and praise it just the same when life isn't going "my way." but alas, i found myself cursing it this morning. i guess it was just my turn to get the other side of the coin. it's gonna be hard but i'm gonna have to just endure this, find purpose in it, accept it so that in due time i will enjoy the moon's other phases. underdig? or, am i lunchin'?

in other news... the suggestion has been thrown out there for me to find "distraction." while i agree in part ... i feel like distraction will just displace what i need to experience right now (no matter how negative the experience may be). displacing doesn't mean the feelings go away... they just get set aside and who wants this crap lingering around idle? i'd rather get it out of the way...wouldn't you? now let me define distraction as it's been advertised to me. I could start dancing again, take up a hobby, or fill my social calendar to the brim. and then there's the proverbial rebound/void-filler option. Now, dancing i could stand to get into again. that's totally constructive and i love to do it so why not? hobbies are just not my thing. can you see me knitting or some shit like that? hell-to-tha-naw, bobby! and i've never really been one to have this jumpin social life but maybe it's time i make an effort.

one thing i'm NOT interested in is the rebound option.

for one, i just lost an amazing chunk of what my life has been for the past 4 years. duh! if you sliced your hand open and there's a big gaping (sp?) cut, you don't just fill it with apple butter (cause you just tasted some, you remember lunchtime in kindercare, and you really love the nostalgia of it) and wait for it to get better. dummy... you want it to heal not get infected and fall off! to me, sounds like your prolonging the ordeal (i.e. the pain of loss)
second off, how fair is it to the reboundee to get caught up in my bullshit by putting themselves out there on account of me when i have no other motive than to use them as a distraction? there's this notion that as long as everyone in the group is aware of what's going on that it's cool. nah! not buyin today.
and c) frankly the idea repulses me. i've tried to imagine myself getting close to/intimately involved with another and it makes me want to puke. i'm still dealing and "in-loving" and what-if-ing and (admittedly) still too attached. it feels like cheating almost. ugh!

i say all that to say... i know nothing definitively... i have no concrete course of action planned... there's no method i endorse. i guess i'm just gonna be and see what happens.

p.s. while i know it's part of my journey to maturity... i sure hate this wearing your emotions on the outside shit. i know one day i'll come to appreciate it and be unapologetic for it but right now, it's for the f-ing birds!

i'm...

2006-08-03T18:31:00.000-04:00

inside out today. that's the only way i know how to describe myself.

whew!

2006-08-02T07:29:00.000-04:00

you all will never believe the morning i've been having. finally a breakthrough!!

one thing that was no different than any other morning of recent weeks... i cried. but, for a change, this time i was elated! i mean really overjoyed. i could finally see light peeking at me from the future. i mean, it ain't close but the fact that i could see it filled me with so much relief and i took (what felt like) the biggest sigh of my life. for a split few seconds (lol) i wasn't bitter, i wasn't sad, i wasn't judgmental or resentful. i was so grateful for being me and doing me the way i do and i wasn't sorry in the least bit! it was so amazing.

now... i'm far from healed and i don't have all the resolve i'll have in months to come. but, i could see the tide going back out. you know when it's like 5:32 in the morning and the sun is JUST making it over the horizon and the sand is still wet from when the tide came in full-force the night before? my sand is still wet and there's evidence that hurt/sadness/whatever has left its mark... but the pain is subsiding. the quiet is deafening and the water is receding and relaxed. aw, man! tell me that ain't peace, y'all!

i'm finding gratitude and i'm thanking order for allowing me the opportunity to

give so much without expecting
be more honest and authentic than i've ever been before
loving so completely and unconditionally

the next time i fall imma close my eyes and hold my arms out just the same.

uh anh... no she didn't!

2006-07-30T12:57:00.000-04:00

so, just as i was well on my way to loving the skin i'm in... damnit if providence doesn't give me the f-ing finger! wtf?!?!

i'm cruising along, living everyday relishing in the fact that i'm transitioning in to the woman i'm going to become and wwf smackdown (or whatever the hell it's called) ensues. i'm tryna learn humility, optimism, and the perfect balance between self-love and selflessness and i tripped up and let someone else completely derail my journey. i mean... did they not know i was on a journey? could they not see how much of a groove i had going on? i'm talkin the snap your fingers/doin the snake kinda groove. or was it that i couldn't recognize the train charging at me from the opposite direction before the head-on collision occurred (sidebar: has anyone ever watched "seconds from disaster" on the discovery channel? on the real... i'm making my own episode as we friggin speak...i digress). damnit... i fell off my "A" game once again.

are we "supposed" to do that?!?! is that part of the plan? perhaps. i just gotta understand and accept it i guess. but my head hurts, my eyes are puffy, and i have rosco snot on my face so ration is not one of my strong suits right now so lesson learned... UNcheck. my head is cloudy and emotion is my governance right now and we all know that never makes for a good installment.

i'm searching for reassurance... any out there? can anybody hear me? so the f*@k what if you can't... imma scream at the top of my lungs any damn way.

PISSED

2006-01-26T10:00:00.000-05:00

just wrote y'all this, long drawn out update and friggin lost it!

so now...

2005-12-14T10:56:00.000-05:00

... i have this bright idea (not in the least bit novel but)... i want to purchase a delapidated property and rehab it to my specifications instead of purchasing a new home with all the bells and whistles! i figure the home search & buying process is stressful enough when you've got to consider location, and amenities, and features, and layout, and curb appeal...blah blah blah. some of which you may have to compromise or settle upon instead of getting what you really want. not to mention the paperwork and logistics side of actually aqcuiring the home and the overwhelming fact that i'm poor :\ so, i figure, why not just concentrate on finding a "dump" in a location i really want and remodel the damn thing so i can have everything i want for half the price of getting an after-market home. i think i'd rather have the stress of dealing with the contractors and knowing imma get what i want than the formerly mentioned stressed.

i say all that to ask you guys... how the hell do i find/choose an architect, planner, contractor, and inspector?!?!? i mean... how the hell should i know? apparently you're suppose to rely on a reference... you know... this person knows that person that did a job back when. BUT, i don't know anybody that knows anybody. at least i don't think :\ or... do y'all?

being presumtuous...

2005-12-07T12:52:00.000-05:00

and assuming i get ANY job offers let alone more than one... can anyone offer any strategies for the salary/benefit negotiation part?

aside from that...

there has been a lot of death surrounding me these past few weeks. calm your nerves... they're always a few degrees of separtion away. but, surrounding nonetheless. for the cosmo-esque folks out there (you know... the dream interpreter types) what does all this mean? is death gonna seep closer to me in the near future?

i'd like to think the universe balances stuff like this. but i tallied all my friends getting married recently or soon (2) and another having a baby (1) it hardly balances to the 5 or so terminal illnesses/deaths i've been noticing in my 6-degree radius! especially when you consider that there's overlappage in the baby/marriage tally. can you see the venn diagram and the lack of mutual exclusivity here? well, even if you can't, I CAN!!!

with that said and paranoia setting in (and with george bush still presiding over the modern "free" world), i wish all of you the best in health and life in the new year. you may need it now more than ever :\

holla!

2005-12-06T16:45:00.000-05:00

put ya hands in the air if you love al green, mangoes, [oogling at or wearing] stilettos and sunroofs in the summer...

yipes!

2005-12-02T18:21:00.000-05:00

thanks for all the well wishes on the interview tip. this one went very well (i think) overall. only thing about it was the fact that it lasted EIGHT HOURS!!! that's right... you read correctly. eight hours and i met 9 different people asking me question after question. for real though... it wasn't all bad. they took me to lunch and the place seemed really cool. PLUS, i don't think i'll have to go through the whole "rounds" scenario. my thinking is that i've been through all the rounds i could possibly go thru in one looooong day (dontcha think?). the HR lady that i metwhen i first arrived even clocked out before i left! wtf? aside from the unexpected 8.5 hr interview day, everyone was very nice and the place, work, and culture seemed cool. extra bonus... the place is 15-20 away from my house... can't beat that, right? we'll see if the big ol' offer package comes in the mail or the single page rejection letter comes (lol).

i'm beat though after all the smilin and dry-mouth i had to experience today so... signing off.

blah

2005-12-01T09:49:00.000-05:00

today i still feel sick, y'all. not as dead as i felt yesterday but sick nonetheless. i took some dayquil to relieve my symptoms but the downside to that is... i still get drowsy!! wtf? i've always been that way. meds' side effects (right one?) have the most extreme effect on me. once, a friend of mine gave me some midol cause i ran outta motrin (for the fellas... it's a muscle relaxer to reduce cramps). tell me why i was stranded on the couch like a quadriplegic!?!? my dumb ass (at the time) thought it was a pain killer... it relaxed every friggin muscle in my body and i couldn't move a damn place. so "suffice it to say" that all non-drowsy formulas of cold meds make me feel like a truck has hit me and i'm out for the count. ask me how i'm at work typin' this... hell if i know! luck? i guess. maybe providence just can't stand the idea of me being any more poor so it's sent me sleepy hindparts to work (lol). also makes me wonder what would happen to me if i ever needed to take any of the drugs advertised in those dramatic commercials. you know... the ones where everything is in black and white until the main character discovers "the drug" and all of a sudden their whole life is in color... where the man talks all fast and low at the end to warn you of the death that might occur while taking said drug. knowin' me, i'll be the 1 in 5 bizzillion to contract another disease, have the runny anus, AND experience erectile disfunction!! only i have that kinda luck, man :
anyhow... i digressed from the point that i feel icky still and yet had to go on an interview this morning. y'all ain't been prayin' like i asked you too, have you? i didn't feel like i was at my top pimp game while the chick was spewing question after question at me. i was too busy tryna keep my eyes open AND sound halfway intelligent. that's one on the board for the other team... the one blatantly rooting against me.

pish posh... i gotta buck up! the second installment of the double header is tomorrow morning and i should be feeling better for that one (hopefully). y'all better get on your rain dances or mantric chants or whatever y'all need to to help me out on this one.

hotep.
(shout out to mitch... lol)

p.s. (got this from my boi, mike) http://mike.webic.biz/videos/freshman15.wmv

achoo?!?!

2005-11-30T15:05:00.000-05:00

i'm home sick today :(

i was gonna try to sleep in for a few then go to work cause lord knows i can't afford to not go to work. but, get this... i called into work this morning to tell them i was sick and i'd be in later, right? why did they tell me not to come in, to think of my fellow co-workers, and remind me that no one wants to be sick for the holidays?!??! lol... duh! i don't wanna be sick today, damnit! but i can't even be mad at 'em. the last time i was sick and went to work, the dude that sits in the cube next to me got sick a few days later and insisted that it was ALL my fault. i have yet to live it down :\ it couldn't have possibly had anything to do with the fact that he hikes or that he spends hours outside all year-round doing war reenactments or that he wears sandals and no socks in november! none of those things could have contributed to his illness... it was all little old me. but, whatever... at least i get a day to relax and get my mind right for some back-to-back interviews tomorrow and friday (y'all pray for a sistah).

i'm drugged up right now so i should go lay down or suttin'.

so...

2005-11-29T11:07:00.000-05:00

...i've decided to start a blog (ho hum). i had pseudo blogs goin' on other places on the www. but, i guess i'm officially taking the plunge :\ let's see if i can actually keep with it considering i have the attention span of an infant!

just so we're clear on the expectations... don't expect any witty anecdotes all the damn time. i mean, we all have cute/funny thoughts from time to time but, C'MON!

second off... i know html, xml, flash and all that fun stuff but you ain't gettin' no (so i used a dub-neg...and?) super fancy coding on this jawn unless you're a prof giving me a grade in some wack ass CS course. and considering i finished school already... it just ain't happ'nin'.

other than those minor details... i'm pleased to meet you.

'til next time... be peace
chan

p.s. i'm not usually this bitchy... unfortuantely for you, ya just caught me on a quasi-bad day :\