"kind of a crazy reality check, but dig this story. there's a [co-worker] at my job. late 50s i'd say. been married for about 25 years. two teenage kids. sweet little... lady. since i've been there it's been known that her husband was sick for several years. but i had no idea how serious. yesterday, the job calls... and tells us she decided to sign a "Do Not Resuscitate" waiver if his heart stopped because he was in so much pain and wasn't going to get any better. today, he passed away.
now that's an extreme situation. but i bring it up because the way she used to talk about there time together when he was well, and how supportive she has been since he's been ill warms my heart. unconditional love personified. and it sort of put everything in perspective. i think a lot about how much energy i waste on catering to my imagination and being hateful because i've been hurt, and going so far out of my way to protect myself from being hurt again. and it's sad. i believe logic can still be there. it has to be. we're not dumb women. and it's a plus that we know how to protect and take care of ourselves. but it shouldn't be to the point where we can't enjoy who we're with. esp when the person we're with brings us undeniable happiness.
is it possible for heartbreak and betrayal to happen again? of course. it happens to the best of us no matter how hard we try to block it. and nope, it won't hurt any less. but why dwell on it? you don't want to risk pushing [them] away. don't be scared to need [them]. cuz i bet [they] need you twice as much. enjoy the blissful time together.
just love [them]. enjoy and be happy. life is short and can be taken away at anytime. the world is crazy and chaotic and upsetting and unforgiving and disloyal. and if you have peace and love in your home, and you really believe in it, nurture it. nurture it to the fullest. there's nothing better than knowing that everything is alright with the world when you can go home and your love is there.
i hope that helps a little. i'm working on it too. we need to turn our imaginations off sometimes. how sad would it be if our over-analytical brains kept us from being happy."
in seeking solace, accordance, reassurance, and (frankly) a "good talkin' to," i found this. swift kicks in pants does a girl wonders sometimes.
oh and...
"I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words." - Ellen DeGeneres
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