one thing that was no different than any other morning of recent weeks... i cried. but, for a change, this time i was elated! i mean really overjoyed. i could finally see light peeking at me from the future. i mean, it ain't close but the fact that i could see it filled me with so much relief and i took (what felt like) the biggest sigh of my life. for a split few seconds (lol) i wasn't bitter, i wasn't sad, i wasn't judgmental or resentful. i was so grateful for being me and doing me the way i do and i wasn't sorry in the least bit! it was so amazing.
now... i'm far from healed and i don't have all the resolve i'll have in months to come. but, i could see the tide going back out. you know when it's like 5:32 in the morning and the sun is JUST making it over the horizon and the sand is still wet from when the tide came in full-force the night before? my sand is still wet and there's evidence that hurt/sadness/whatever has left its mark... but the pain is subsiding. the quiet is deafening and the water is receding and relaxed. aw, man! tell me that ain't peace, y'all!
i'm finding gratitude and i'm thanking order for allowing me the opportunity to
- give so much without expecting
- be more honest and authentic than i've ever been before
- loving so completely and unconditionally
the next time i fall imma close my eyes and hold my arms out just the same.
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